God, no, not referencing that cheesy Scorpions power ballad about the fall of Eastern Europe in the late 80s/early 90s.
Moreso, what’s happening these days. To me and around me.
We’re growing up. We’re not partying and drinking and doing stupid shit anymore (more or less). We’re moving on. We’re plotting our courses. Our friendships, our lives are changing.
Saturday night, I was in a room with four men who used me, lied to me (one of whom faked an entire relationship during my Dad’s initial cancer diagnosis, which is the shittiest thing imaginable). hurt me, and strung me along.
This scenario, six months ago, would’ve spelled one word: meltdown. Honestly, I kept waiting for my own fear and rage to consume me (which would’ve been bad on several levels because I had a sports broadcast to do live). I had neither the time or the inclination to freak out.
I didn’t. Not at all. It’s like the theory about ghosts: you acknowledge it’s presence, then you let it go. I felt peace and happiness and happy with myself. Happy to be surrounded by positive people (some brandishing t-shirt cannons, but what can you do) and doing something I truly love (broadcasting roller derby, which I believe lends further credence to its status as a legitimate sport).
I went to an after-party where an ex pointed and stared while his current girlfriend made a complete fool of herself (I had people ask if I knew her – I said no). I would not have acknowledged their presence, but the staring was a bit much (yes, I know I’m fabulous).
I even had someone try to START drama with me later in the evening. I believe my exact words were, “no!” (to that individual, the amount of growing up you have to do is immeasurable right now)
Point being (if you can believe it), I found my center. Oh, sure, I know there are plenty of people who would love to see me have a public meltdown. You’ll be waiting a very long time.
People can change. People can grow up. People can outgrow you.
Finally, telling someone they have absolutely no power over you whatsoever anymore is the best feeling on Earth.