I’m the “awesome” female friend. I take my guy friends shopping, out to meet chicks, they even get home-baked cookies from me on occasion. We go to shows, movies, for food, to watch soccer.
But, I never make the cut beyond that. Don’t get me wrong – platonic male friends are great. A couple have been critical to my survival in the last couple of years (you know who you are).
What confuses me even more is how well they treat me. I’ve been called “gorgeous,” “awesome,” “a killer,” and “fun.” It’s frustrating I always get told what a great friend I am. But, it never goes further.
I’ve even asked my male friends why NOT date me. Every excuseis applied – they don’t want to ruin a friendship, they don’t see me in that way, they have “nothing left to give,” they’re hung up on someone else, I’m “too much” to handle, or they just can’t see me as “girlfriend” material (I’ve even been told, “oh Devon, you’re not the type of girl guys marry – you’re the type of girl guys f*ck!”).
I’ve changed so much since 2011 began. I’m not the “party girl” the whole city seemed to see me as last year. I’m more grounded and focused.
Again, still doesn’t seem to be enough.
I don’t remember what it’s like for a man to want me on his arm or treat me well or to even take a picture with me. It’s been that long.
I won’t settle for anything less than what I want, but it gets harder every day.